this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
