Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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