Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
