Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found puke in my bra..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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