Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
