nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
