If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
