The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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