Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
