Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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