I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
