I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
