In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
