i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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