Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
