Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
