he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
