Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
