i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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