SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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