At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my poor anus
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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