I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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