So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
