He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
