to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
