Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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