Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
