I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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