yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
