how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want her autograph on my taint
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize