i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize