i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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