I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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