i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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