remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize