so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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