areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
