i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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