you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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