theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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