Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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