how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
