dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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