as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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