fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
