worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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