Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
