so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
