I hate your face
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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