My first STD was from a foam party
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
