This girl is more easily done than said...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still dying that you shit outside
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
