I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
