I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
