Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
