Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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