Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
