Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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