Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
