Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
