WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's get the cat blown out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize