She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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