She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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