I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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