you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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