four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
