i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
