im six kinds of drunk right now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize