so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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