sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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