I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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