i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
