ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
