he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
