I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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