I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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