hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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